I did it. I told my job I wasn't going to start. I feel far more upset than I thought I would. God I hope I'm making the right decision. I'm so scared I just want to crawl up in a big ball and hide. It was a last minute decsion and they were understading but not happy. They took it better than I thought they would. He told me to keep in touch and I think I will.
Should I have just taken the job and looked for school in the meantime? But then what do I do after two months when they want me full time? Do I quit then and make them train someone else? That doesn't seem fair. Or do I work full time and try to fit in all the things I need to do to prepare for school (i.e. grants, essays, interviews, visits) after work? And then when school starts quit? Should I have tried to work it all out with them?
I thought I knew what my heart was telling me to do, not get involved with something I won't be able to really commit to, but I'm feeling uneasy now. I hope this feeling passes.
I can work with Paul at CMI in the meantime, so I can still be bringing in money. And most of the shows are on the weekends or at night. It's not ideal, but it will do until September when hopefully I will be starting. What if I don't get in anywhere??? Shit, the questions just keep coming.