I did it. I told my job I wasn't going to start. I feel far more upset than I thought I would. God I hope I'm making the right decision. I'm so scared I just want to crawl up in a big ball and hide. It was a last minute decsion and they were understading but not happy. They took it better than I thought they would. He told me to keep in touch and I think I will.

Should I have just taken the job and looked for school in the meantime? But then what do I do after two months when they want me full time? Do I quit then and make them train someone else? That doesn't seem fair. Or do I work full time and try to fit in all the things I need to do to prepare for school (i.e. grants, essays, interviews, visits) after work? And then when school starts quit? Should I have tried to work it all out with them?

I thought I knew what my heart was telling me to do, not get involved with something I won't be able to really commit to, but I'm feeling uneasy now. I hope this feeling passes.

I can work with Paul at CMI in the meantime, so I can still be bringing in money. And most of the shows are on the weekends or at night. It's not ideal, but it will do until September when hopefully I will be starting. What if I don't get in anywhere??? Shit, the questions just keep coming.

Bitch Fest 2008

I stood on our laptop. Yeah, I'm just that retarded sometimes. I was hanging my X-Rays in the bay window and lost my balance. I stepped right on the pad. It's gone, much like the car. It's under warranty but in the states. I'm gutted. I'll be honest, I didn't cry about the car but I did cry about the laptop. It happened the day after the car so emotions were already high. Its just more money down the drain that we can't afford.
I feel yuck. Shouldn't really be blogging about more bad times, but while I'm on the subject...I'm not sure about the job now. My gut is telling me to get my ass in school and not to get tied down to yet another "Front Desk" position. I really am capable of so much more. I don't want to waste more time (my life) on a job that can literally go nowhere. But I'm scared. We need the money. What to do??? If you have ever been or are in school please share your thoughts on the subject. Should I just suck it up and take the job or should I take my chances and try my hand at college again? I'll go with the majority. It's like choose your own adventure!
Well, this sulking is not going to do itself, I'd better get grumpy. I'll try to get online as much as possible but with our lack of functioning laptop it will be hard. I'm on a loaner at the moment, not sure how long we can keep it though. Obviously I can't share any pictures for awhile. But I will as soon as I can. We got loads of new furniture and I want to show you how much better everything looks.

Personal Note to my sister Jina: Cheers for all your comments! Keep em' coming. I love you and think about you everyday! We'll talk soon.

Warning: This Blog Contains Many Expletives

I try to keep it clean but this is too much. Our fucking car has been nicked! Some bastard stole our fucking car last night from right outside our house! Fucking wankers! So there's 700 pounds ($1,400) down the drain. Fantastic. We got everything ready (i.e. the dog and all her gear) to go to Paul's mom's house, went outside to get in the car and it was gone. And of course it happens the night before we're meant to go pick up our box of stuff that just arrived from the states.

The only good news is that our box of stuff arrived from the states!! And all in good condition. We got a taxi to Paul's mom's and loaded some of it up in her car and made one trip to the house. Having all our belongings from the old apartment in the new house is making me really homesick. Everywhere are smells of my parents basement, our old place, our old life. But it is nice to have our personalities injected into the house finally. It was so lifeless before, just borrowed furniture and a new TV. Now I have my pictures, dishes, knick-knacks, photo albums, treasure boxes, games, insects, movies, books and the small piece of my soul that goes along with all my tangibles.

It's been a bitter sweet day. Excuse me while I go make myself a vodka tonic.

What Tickled My Pickle About England was my bloody car!! Bloody thieving English bastards!

A Day In The Life

Here's what I've been doing this entire last week:

6:30am-Wake up with Bean, go outside for a potty break
7:00am-Play “please don't bite my face off”
8:00am-Eat breakfast
8:15am-Potty break
8:30am-Nap time for us both
9:30am-Potty break
9:45am-Play “kill the blanket!”
10:15am-Nap time
11:15am-Potty break
11:30am-Play “please don't eat the carpet”
12:00pm-Eat lunch
12:15pm-Potty break
12:30pm-Nap time
1:30pm-Potty break
1:45pm-Play “on the couch, off the couch, on the couch, off the couch”
2:00pm-Nap time
3:00pm-Potty break
3:15pm-Play “hop on pop”
3:30pm-Nap time
4:00pm-Potty break
4:10pm-Eat second lunch
4:25pm Potty break
4:30pm-Nap time
5:30pm-Potty break
5:40pm-Play “my fingers are not sausages”
6:00pm-Potty break
6:10pm-Nap Time
7:00pm-Potty break
7:10pm-Play “I hate my collar and want it dead ”
8:00pm-Eat dinner
8:15pm-Potty break
8:25pm-Watch Bean totally spaz out and some Law & Order
9:00pm-Potty break
9:10pm-Put Bean to bed for the night
2:00am-Potty break
2:10am-Clean pee or poo out of crate
2:20am-Back to bed
4:00am-Potty break
4:10am-Back to bed
6:30am-Start all over again!

That is literally all I've been up to, with the exception of a few trips out with Bean in my handbag. Did you know that puppies need 16 to 18 hours of sleep everyday? And double the number of trips outside! Or that their bladders are the last thing to develop? It hasn't been easy being a full time puppy butler. It's a lot like having a baby in the house. And those late night/early morning potty breaks can be excruciating and involve me following her ass around with a flashlight. But she's learned her name and that makes it all worth it!

She's got an appointment to get her second set of shots next week and then a week after that she can go out into the real world. I can't wait to get outside and go to the park (or anywhere for that matter). But by that time I'll be starting work! Yikes! My life, and therefore blog, will get more interesting in the very near future! I promise! But for the time being I'm pretty much stuck in the house. Paul's away in Newcastle running a show for a few days, so I have no back up. But soon things will change and to be honest it can't happen soon enough. I can feel the cabin fever coming on, I've been chatting to the dog a lot and believe she can understand me, I've been stealing flowers from the neighbors yard and rearranging the furniture nearly everyday. Must...get...out...

What Tickles My Pickle About England is old British people (commonly referred to as "pensioners"). They're all over the place here! And I'm not talking young 60 year olds, I'm talking 80 year old people! You see them riding bicycles, walking everywhere, shopping in the shops, riding on the bus, smoking cigarettes in the laundrette and roaming around freely at any given time. Old British people love to make their daily rounds to the "charity shops". They walk along the high street and shuffle in, just to see if any new jumpers or puzzles have arrived. Old British people love to gather in small groups on the sidewalk (preferably right in front of the doors to the grocery store) and have a good chat. They love to talk about what they watched on telly the previous night, rude bus drivers and the rising cost of baked beans. There's just something different and fantastic about old people in Britain. It's like no one has ever told them they're old and should stay inside all day. They're independent, social, funny and even nice! They truly give me hope for my future.