So There I Am...

in utter pain and total confusion, being asked to sign a piece of paper saying that if it all went horribly wrong the NHS was not to blame. I laid back on the bed and was then wheeled, bed and all, in to the operating theater. Wow, what a shock this was! I have never seen such a well lit room in my life! I just kept thinking why am I here? And why is it so damn bright? The people in the theater were clearly not there to hold your hand, wipe your brow or make your experience pleasant. These people meant business. They sent Paul off to get changed so he could be in the theater with me during the surgery. It was so bad being without him. Mainly because I had no idea what was happening. I was so scared.

My sister Rose gave me some advice shortly before I went into labor: Prepare for a cesarean even if you don't think you'll have one. Because there are decisions to make. Best advice I ever ignored.


They set me up on the side of the bed and started poking holes in my wrists. Three times it took them to find a suitable place for the IV! Meanwhile I'm still having contractions one after another. But now I was without my gas and air. They had gas but no air so I was sucking on pure gas with each contraction. Wondering why they keep taking it away from me after just a few breaths. There's a lady in front of me doing something operationy and I beg her to sit with me and hold my hand as I'm getting poked and contracting at the same time.

Then they start poking my back with needles preparing me for a "spinal". And, of course, I have the terrifying thought that I will have a contraction as they are sticking me with the needle, start thrashing about and I'll be paralyzed for life. That didn't happen.

And then the best thing that's ever happened to me happened...I couldn't feel any more contractions!!! Oh sweet relief.

I laid back on the table and they blasted various parts of me with something cold to make sure the spinal was taking effect in all the right places. Then they put the sheet up in front of me so I wouldn't be able to see the hideous things they would be doing to me in the very near future. That's when it hit me. I was having a c-section! Wait! This was not in the game plan!

I turned to Paul and told him how scared I was. Mainly scared that I could see a reflection of the surgery in the over head lights, I never looked up.

And just as quick as it had started, it was over. And I could hear Charlie screaming somewhere in the room. They wrapped him up and gave him to Paul. I couldn't hold him so Paul let me smell his head and put his feet on my face. I really wanted to see what he looked like! But in the position I was in I could only see a bit of his face. Paul took him into another room while they sewed me up. I was still so out of it it only seemed to take a minute.

I think I must have drifted off because the next thing I know I'm in the recovery room with my whole body shaking and a serious case of the dry heaves. I thought perhaps I was just really cold and I couldn't figure out why I couldn't control the shaking. There were midwives everywhere but none of them told me what was happening. I wasn't coherent enough to ask. I later found out that I was in shock due to the medication.

But that wasn't the worst part. I was unable to hold Charlie due to the shaking and it just broke my heart. After awhile the shakes eased up and Paul put Charlie next to me, which really calmed me down. I kept trying to turn on my side but my legs still didn't work. Very weird sensation.

Then after 16 hours of hard labor and an emergency c-section later I was finally where I wanted to be:


Next time...how the hospital almost killed us both. Love you guys!! Here's some more unbearable cuteness.

Charlie Bear one day old

Looking just like Daddy


The boy has massive feet and prize hams for hands!

This Blog Is Not For The Spoon Fed

For those of you familiar with my blog you know I tell it like it is. So this post won't be any different. I won't fanny about and blow sunshine up your ass about my labor or being a new mom. So if you're pregnant or wish not to hear the grody details pass on this and the next few installments (I'm sure it will take more than one post to catch up).

Charlie is asleep and I should really be taking a much needed shower, as I'm covered in baby barf, but you dear reader come first. Now where was I...

As yes, walking around the house with mild contractions. I was timing them and they were about 5 minutes apart. Paul called the Birth Center to let them know we were coming in soon. Since it was snowing, the contractions were getting a bit closer and I was sort of in pain we decided to start heading to the hospital. It's now 7:00am Sunday morning. The drive there sucked! Contractions on bumps are no good. When you first arrive they take you to triage to get you booked in and assess your situation. So we were put into this little room and that's when I was told that I had high blood pressure. They wanted to wait to see if it would go down on it's own so Paul and I spent the first three hours, yes THREE hours, in labor in this tiny room. Only to be told that my blood pressure is not going down and I will not be having this baby in the Birthing Center due to that fact. Dream one dashed. Also I find out it's the busiest morning they have ever had and the birth center and delivery suite are totally full of other ladies having other babies.

Now at this point my contractions are getting pretty bad. I'm at the crying out loud stage and I'm only 2 centimeters dilated. They have to get us out of triage but have no where for me to go since you can't even step foot on the delivery suite until you are at least 3 centimeters. So I get put in a wheelchair and taken onto the postnatal ward! Here I am in full on labor and I'm surrounded by new moms and their sleeping babies. It was like trying to give birth in the library. And to make matters worse it was visiting time so there were loads of dudes there too! I was trying to be as quiet as possible when the contractions hit but it was nearly impossible to keep from at least moaning loudly. I was so self conscience of being too loud it was horrible!!! I was starting to get pretty out of it and could not figure out why they had put me in such an unkind, quiet place full of so many other people staring at me.

Paul got a midwife to take my blood pressure again and it was even higher (yeah, big shock! I'm trying to stifle contractions!!!!) so they put me in another wheelchair and I was finally taken onto the delivery suite and put in my own room. It was a big room and the first thing I remember seeing was a little cot being prepared for the baby. And I thought "Oh wow! I'm actually going to have my baby in here, I'm so close to meeting him!"

From here on out the story gets pretty hazy for me. I remember some of it and some was recounted to me by Paul and some was probably just a hallucination. The contractions are really getting strong and I'm only having gas and air (which by the way was fantastic, I would highly recommend it). I'm not dilating very fast and I'm only 3 centimeters. They offer me some pethidine and like a teenage kid lookin' for kicks I jump at the chance to get some drugs.

Now I know I was all about the natural childbirth and going drug free. But then I went into labor. And let me tell you, that shit is no joke. It hurts just as much...no make that MORE, than everyone tells you. They say "it's like really bad period pain." What?!!? It's more like being stabbed over and over and over again in your stomach. I swear labor must feel different for different women. Cause there was no freaking way a massage, smelly candles or a warm bath were ever gonna touch the sides of what hellish pain I was feeling. No way. So a big sorry to anyone I may have disappointed but I was out of my mind with pain. Self preservation took over and spoke for me.

So they stick me with a needle in my thigh and then the world gets drunk. Really drunk. I would not recommend pethidine. It made me feel tired but unable to sleep, out of control and caused me to speak in tongues. It didn't really help with the pain even. I was still on the gas and air and still suffering big time.

Now let's take a moment to look at Paul's role in all this. I have come to a few stead fast decisions since my hard labour began and one of them was that I could not and would not have a contraction without Paul being right in front of me. Another was that I could not and would not hold the mouth piece for the gas and air, it had to be held for me by Paul. So the contrations are coming hard and fast at this point and with each one I scream for the mouth piece, throw my right arm around Paul's neck, grab and rip his sweater with my other hand, stomp on his feet and scream to high heaven. I mean really scream!!! Which is the wrong thing to do, I know. But I can't tell you how much it hurts.

The only thing I could do sometimes was just let it all out. Other times I was able to mentally control the pain and didn't scream at all. Just sucked on the gas and air and visualized walking the outer line of the contractions and not letting them take over me. But only after the pethidine wore off could I do that. Back to Paul...he's been getting me through each contraction for hours now and he has to wee and needs to eat. Both of which are long gone for me, I tried to wee into a bed pan but there was no way. So Paul takes a break and I had to make it through contractions on my own. That sucked! His break didn't last long since I was screaming his name to get him back in front of me.

So we're hours and hours into this nightmare and I have just enough brain power to notice that the sun has gone down. So I know I must be at the worst part of first stage labor. Paul and the midwife were trying to get me to labor in other positions but I threw such a fit that it never worked. I would try to lay down but when the next one hit me I would cry and yell "Get me up!!! get me up!!!" There were also a lot of these: "I can't do this anymore!!" "I need a break!!! Just give me a break!!!" "Why are the coming so close together? This isn't fair!"

Now we're really into the fuzzy zone for me. I remember Paul asking the doctor who came to check on me (due to all the yelling I'm sure) if it was normal for me to be staring at one spot for so long. I was concentrating and my pupils were seriously dialated so I looked like a freak.

I remember someone breaking my waters cause I wasn't really getting anywhere. It was like a big pool of warm water spilling out. That helped labor speed up for sure!

I rememeber a doctor having to put a catheter in cause I hadn't had a wee in so long. Not nice.

Then I got to the point where the contrastions still hurt like hell but they made me feel like I had to have a big poo. I really wanted to push! So I got into a pushing position on all fours and I thought "This is it! I made it through all that and now I get to push him out and forget all about this awfulness." Then my contractions slowed way down. And there I am, ass in the air with a midwife lookin' at my bits for any sign of a head (worst job ever!). And Pauls there giving me loads of encouragement and I have nothing to push. More than a little frustrating. When I did get one it hurt so much to push that sometimes I would fake it! It just seemed like I had nothign to push out, there was nothing there. And I was right. Charlie decided to get his head stuck before moving into the final stage.

A doctor came in and tried to examine me but I was totally biligerant, shieking and acting like a child by throwing myself all over the bed and yelling "No! It hurts! Stop It!" A low point in the whole experience to be honest.

Next thing I know there are all these people in the room and a very serious looking doctor comes and tries to talk to me between contractions. She gives me the bad news about the baby being stuck. She says one of two things will now happen. Neither of which are having my baby natrually. Dream number two dashed. I will be wheeled into the theater and she will stick her hand up my hoo-ha and feel the baby's head and:

A: if it's in a good position, give me an episiotomy (the worst thing known to woman kind) and try the ventouse (baby vacuum) and if it doesn't work after three tries I have a c-section.

B: if it's in a bad position I have a c-section.

What will happen next? Will I have a cone head baby? Will I punch a nurse? Will Paul's sweater ever look the same again? Tune in next time to find out...

Charlie Bear in his handmade hat from his wonderful Aunties


Personal Note To My Cousin Amy: Oh my gawd!! Hi!! So great to know you are out there and reading this! Love you so much! Hope you are well!

In My Blogging Absence...

a video featuring Sir Charles of Dooneyton. Born February 9th at 1:33am.
Weighing in at 8 lbs. 10 oz.

I promise to tell you guys the whole (gruesome) birth story as soon as I can get this kid to stop nursing for more than two minutes. Just know that we are both healthy and happy. Thanks for staying tuned to the blog, I'm so sorry I've been gone so long! I love you all!!

I'm Home

I JUST got home from the hospital TODAY! I'll fill everyone one in as soon as possible, but for now baby and I are just fine after a horrific experience.

I can't even tell you how good it feels to be home after nearly three weeks. It's incredible.

CODE RED PEOPLE!!

This is it. I'm in labor...and online, how weird. It all kicked off on Friday night really. I started getting what I was pretty sure were contractions but they were fairly mild. I went to bed and had them through out the night, but still managed to sleep. In the morning they subsided and I was bummed. But I took it easy and only popped out to the store with Paul for provisions. When I got home I found my "show"! If you don't know what that is DON"T LOOK IT UP, trust me! If you do then you know how excited I was.

If you want the rest of the story then you will just have to check back later cause it's 4:37am and I'M IN LABOR AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL!!! So I must go and walk around the house some more and then hopefully head to the Birthing Center in a few hours and then come back with a baby. That's the plan anyhow.

Love to you all!

P.S. Leah, this blogs for you.

The Big Day Has Come And Gone Noticably Baby Free

Oh well, only 5% of babies are born on their due date so I ain't sweatin' it. I just really liked the day itself January 31st...a Saturday. Sounds like a good day to be born. But February is a great month as well. Just ask my brother, sister and Uncle.

I had my last prenatal midwife appointment yesterday, sad. I loved going in to the doctors surgery to have the belly measured, listen to the baby's heartbeat and be reassured by my midwife about all my fears. But I won't see her again until the day after the we take baby home. Then she'll come round every week or so to check on us both.

So today I'm feeling crampy, tight, unable to move much and uncomfortable in a new way. But I think it's mostly psychosomatic to be honest. Just knowing that I'm officially "overdue" starting tomorrow is making my body go all funny.

I have an induction appointment on February 12th, but I really don't want to go down that road. So let's all be thinking good labor starting thoughts in the next few days and see what happens. I'll continue to drink the raspberry leaf tea, go for walks and bounce on the birthing ball. Together we shall will this baby to come out of his cozy little nest.

13 More Days Till Possible Baby Droppage!

The official count down has begun! But mark my words, this child will be born in February. My moneys on one week late, so around February 7th. However I swear I'm going into labour every night at about 2:00am when I'm awoken by horrible cramps in my belly region. But it always turns out that I just have to pee like a ninja.

Can I just take this opportunity to do a bit of bitchun? K, thanks...

Dude, this part of pregnancy is soooooo hard! It's way more uncomfortable than I thought it would be! For example: I can now only sleep on my left hand side (which is like prison in your own bed), I have to take a breather on the middle of the stairs, I need help getting out of the bathtub, I can't tie my own shoes, shaving my "side burns" has jumped up the danger scale to that of angry bear wrestling due to the fact that I can't actually see down there AT ALL, getting off the couch should be considered an Olympic event, I can only eat very small meals or my stomach feels like it's going to burst open, I walk like a toddler in five inch platforms and I'm farting constantly.

Yay pregnant!

In other news...we had a smashing party at ours last weekend for my birthday. Loads of people came over and I got lots of great gifts and cards! Since it was relatively alcohol free we made a big effort with the food. Paul made a great spinach and coconut curry, we had a cheese board, veggie tray and I made my mom's most amazing zucchini bread.

One of my favorite gifts was this box of delicious home made chocolates from Terry and Stu. Needless to say it's already gone.

This baby is like 90% zucchini bread, cause I've made it so many times. It's one of my main cravings. Over here they don't use the word zucchini, it's "courgette" (oh la,la!)

So far the Doonlet is still head down (yess!!) but we are back to back (nooooooo!!!!) which means a longer and more painful labour. Oh god no. But it's better than breech which means a c-section. He still has ample time to change position so all is not lost. I can tell that he's running out of room in there as his movements get stronger but smaller and he always kicks and pushes in the same spots on both sides.

Interesting fact I learned from the BBC recently, babies are born preferring the accent of their mothers. Ha! Score one for the American half of this Brit baby!! Sorry Paul, you'll just have to put on your crap American accent if you want any attention from your son.

I've had the funniest reactions from the black and white belly shots I posted! Mainly "Jesus Christ!" and "Whoa!" and my personal favorite "Belly-Yes. Button-No" (Pants, you so funny!). I spose I did forget to mention the fact that my belly button is gone. And here I always thought they got bigger! But mines gone on walkabout.

My beautiful and good friend Leah has suggested I post a blog when I go into labour. Which I have now taken as a challenge. I plan on labouring at home as long as possible so I'm gonna try my hardest to let everyone know when it all kicks off.

And the best news of all...my best friend Jenn has officially bought her tickets to Birmingham!!!! I can't believe someone is actually visiting us!!! She gets here on February 20th and leaves much too soon after that. She's coming to help with the baby. So lets all hope that there's a baby to help with by that time.