Tuesday, November 18, 2008

"Welcome back, Your dreams were your ticket out."

We're home, safe and sound if not somewhat disorientated. The first week was full of jet lag and hours and hours spent in the fracture clinic. My ankle is officially broken.

When I was about 15 or so I broke my ankle while walking down the max stairs. Ever since then I had a split in the middle of the ankle bone itself, you could feel where it broke and never healed properly. I found this to be the source of many heebie-jeebies when I forced people to touch the break.

They showed me the x-ray at the hospital and it was the exact same break as years before. Damn you, skankles! Just for this you'll be wearing those orange leg warmers ALL WINTER!!

They put a temporary plaster cast on it at the ER. That night I slept with a chopstick at my side for all those painfully urgent itches you get when you're wearing a cast, which I believe are like, 90% psychological. It's like having leg claustrophobia. After much waiting, bitching and moaning at the fracture clinic the next day, I got an aircast. Thank gawd!!! It's all plastic, Velcro and air bags. And it comes with a hand pump!

Whenever I get to leave the house, which isn't often, I have to use the aircast and the crutches. I look a mess. All big bump and hobbles. But it also gives me a one way ticket to sympathy town on the pity express.

Work called right after we got back and had a fantastic position to offer me at the same hospital I was working at before we left. I was temped to leave out the fact that I have a cyber foot but figured it might come up after it takes me 45 minutes to get to the bathroom and back. So I filled them in on the ankle situation and they kindly told me to piss off until after it's all healed. So I'm out of work for at least 3 more weeks.

Out of work, stuck in the house, and told to stay off my feet. This sucks! I feel so useless, lethargic and bloated. I can't wait to get back to normal. I did get a new haircut though and that helped.

After we got back I was on an emotional roller coaster. I miss everyone from home, I'm not sleeping very well, I'm temporarily disabled and I don't know where I belong. I feel like I don't belong in either place. Portland isn't my home right now and England isn't my home yet. I have important pieces of who I am spread over two countries. With the most important piece about to be born. I feel like I must come to terms with where I am and who I am in this place very soon. Because the time to think of myself is almost over and I need to be strong now more than ever before.

So it's the dawn of a new era! No more moaning about missing Portland. I can't feel guilty about living here anymore. I love all my family and friends so much and I'm sorry I'm so far away from them. But we'll move back some day for sure. In the meantime this is home and we'll visit Portland as often as possible. End of story.

I will post loads of pictures from the trip soon. I must get another belly shot up cause it's ever growing and it gives me a different perspective on how big it is. Baby boy is doing fine and kicked happily through out the flights home.

My friend Amy just had a little girl a few weeks ago (congratulations Ames!!!!) and I remember reading in her blog about how she was getting kicked in the ribs and I thought "Oh wow! I can't wait for that to happen to me!" Well now it's happening to me all the bloody time and it's no picnic. But I love to feel him moving around no matter what part of my insides he's pummeling.

4 comments:

Napkin's Family said...

You look beautiful. I'm so glad I got to see you. Sorry you feel torn between two countries. I hope you get to feeling settled over there because when we get ready to travel again, I want to see you in England.

Jina said...

Ouch, well I hope your ankle gets better soon (an even better punishment than the legwarmers: icky old christmas socks! I saw this lady in fred meyers buying some REALLY ugly ones yesterday), and I hope you're feeling better soon. It was fun hanging out with you while you were here! I miss you!

Anonymous said...

i believe i was with you bad friend at the last ankle breaking i remember being where your uncle worked waiting feeling terrable that it was broken and here you g o agian that sucks

Anonymous said...

Your Aunties, We are so glad you liked your gifts.Good luck with bumps birth. We love you. Let us know how it goes. Love Aunt Pat Aunt Mary and Aunt Susie