So There I Am...

in utter pain and total confusion, being asked to sign a piece of paper saying that if it all went horribly wrong the NHS was not to blame. I laid back on the bed and was then wheeled, bed and all, in to the operating theater. Wow, what a shock this was! I have never seen such a well lit room in my life! I just kept thinking why am I here? And why is it so damn bright? The people in the theater were clearly not there to hold your hand, wipe your brow or make your experience pleasant. These people meant business. They sent Paul off to get changed so he could be in the theater with me during the surgery. It was so bad being without him. Mainly because I had no idea what was happening. I was so scared.

My sister Rose gave me some advice shortly before I went into labor: Prepare for a cesarean even if you don't think you'll have one. Because there are decisions to make. Best advice I ever ignored.


They set me up on the side of the bed and started poking holes in my wrists. Three times it took them to find a suitable place for the IV! Meanwhile I'm still having contractions one after another. But now I was without my gas and air. They had gas but no air so I was sucking on pure gas with each contraction. Wondering why they keep taking it away from me after just a few breaths. There's a lady in front of me doing something operationy and I beg her to sit with me and hold my hand as I'm getting poked and contracting at the same time.

Then they start poking my back with needles preparing me for a "spinal". And, of course, I have the terrifying thought that I will have a contraction as they are sticking me with the needle, start thrashing about and I'll be paralyzed for life. That didn't happen.

And then the best thing that's ever happened to me happened...I couldn't feel any more contractions!!! Oh sweet relief.

I laid back on the table and they blasted various parts of me with something cold to make sure the spinal was taking effect in all the right places. Then they put the sheet up in front of me so I wouldn't be able to see the hideous things they would be doing to me in the very near future. That's when it hit me. I was having a c-section! Wait! This was not in the game plan!

I turned to Paul and told him how scared I was. Mainly scared that I could see a reflection of the surgery in the over head lights, I never looked up.

And just as quick as it had started, it was over. And I could hear Charlie screaming somewhere in the room. They wrapped him up and gave him to Paul. I couldn't hold him so Paul let me smell his head and put his feet on my face. I really wanted to see what he looked like! But in the position I was in I could only see a bit of his face. Paul took him into another room while they sewed me up. I was still so out of it it only seemed to take a minute.

I think I must have drifted off because the next thing I know I'm in the recovery room with my whole body shaking and a serious case of the dry heaves. I thought perhaps I was just really cold and I couldn't figure out why I couldn't control the shaking. There were midwives everywhere but none of them told me what was happening. I wasn't coherent enough to ask. I later found out that I was in shock due to the medication.

But that wasn't the worst part. I was unable to hold Charlie due to the shaking and it just broke my heart. After awhile the shakes eased up and Paul put Charlie next to me, which really calmed me down. I kept trying to turn on my side but my legs still didn't work. Very weird sensation.

Then after 16 hours of hard labor and an emergency c-section later I was finally where I wanted to be:


Next time...how the hospital almost killed us both. Love you guys!! Here's some more unbearable cuteness.

Charlie Bear one day old

Looking just like Daddy


The boy has massive feet and prize hams for hands!