“A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.”

Feeling Awesome

Just when you're feeling low, your oldest friend in the whole wide world sends you this:

It really made my day! I love Valley Girls! (right Jenn?!) And it has to be one of the best books ever written. Okay, that may be a bit of an over statement but just check out this passage and decide for yourself:

"Barf me out: interj. to respond negatively to a highly unsavory situation; nauseating, too skanky for words, quite putrid. Syn. gag me with a spoon. 'Sheryl's mom, like she's a total space cadet, like barf me out, she like made Sheryl throw her dead beta fish down the garbage disposal, right?'"


Dead beta fish...pure gold! So I'm happy and ever so content these days. We bought a new car (well, new to us)! It's an estate car called a Vauxhall Astra. This is what it looks like, but in green:

We bought it at the car auction. Which is quite a surreal experience. They just sell cars one after the other, like every four minutes. And some go for stupid cheap but the popular ones can go for about what their worth. The catch is that you don't really know if there's anything wrong with it. You can look under the hood and see the mileage before it goes through, but thats all really. So it's a bit of a gamble. We went on a recon mission to the auction before so we knew the score. The trick is to get there early. So we got there before it started and then bid on the very first car through. People don't bid too aggressively on the first 20 or so cars. So we got our new family wagon for 240 pounds! A bargain! So far the only thing wrong with it is that it has a slightly leaky gas tank. Not good. But we bought a new one and it will be installed next week. We're really pleased!

Paul is starting up a new gardening business and has already got some clients. He's doing CMI still in the meantime, but hopes to quit soon. He always impresses me with how much he believes in himself. I'd be scared to start up my own business, but he has every confidence that it will work out. So do I. He inspires me to start doing photography for a living. I will go to school in 2011 and get all my formal training, can I do it without the degree? Yikes. It's all so scary. Something to think about.

I got offered a position at the science museum here in Birmingham, but it was only part time, working every Saturday and Sunday. I'm not taking it. I really thought with my museum background and skills I would be perfect for the full time position they had on offer. Clearly they're illiterate and like so totally lame.

So my next adventure will be trying to get a position with the University of Birmingham. I've always wanted to work at a university. And if I have to do admin work, at least it's in a good environment that will motivate me.

Sometimes it's just all too much, ya know?

Sometimes I just really want to throw in the towel. Not forever, just for like a week or two. Just a break from everything. Jump into a different life for awhile. A little vacation from my own life. And perhaps get a temp in while I'm away. And when I return my life will be more organized then when I left it. Thanks Janet! Thanks for all your hard work while I was gone. I can see that you really made an effort to keep up with everything.

I know I can deal with it all, but there are times when I just don't fucking want to. It's not easy trying to be "strong" all the time. Things could be worse, I realize that. And I do have the power to change my attitude, and make it easier on myself. But I don't want to. So there. Neener-Neener! Go ahead, try to make me a better person, I dare you! Cause it ain't happenin', at least not this week.

I'm enjoying myself in self pity land. It's quite nice here. Pictures of me in happier times all over the walls. Tissues and cigarettes to calm the beast. Grumpy voices repeating the same thing over and over in my head: "This is hard. You can't handle all this. Just give up." But instead of giving up, I'm giving in. For now. Giving in to the fact that I am in desperate need of a life.

Something to live for besides Paul. My time is spend either with him or waiting for him to come home. How sad is that? You don't know how tempted I am to delete that sentence. It's a pathetic thing to say. But it's the truth.

With school out of the picture and nothing but shitty office jobs in my near future, I'm feeling aimless. I consider myself to be a goal orientated person. And I'm goalless now. Except for the fact that I have to find a job very soon, as we're running out of money. But what kind of a goal is answering phones? Or filing? Depressing, that's what it is. Down right depressing.

Maybe it's the weather making me feel this way. It's yet another cold and rainy English day. I'm alone, as usual. Stuck in the house. I took the dog for a walk, but she wouldn't budge. It was either drag her through the streets or carry her. Perhaps she's in a bad mood as well.

If I watch another episode of Scrubs I'm going to shoot myself in the face. TV is of no comfort. Not even cable TV. If I have another cup of coffee my head will explode. What I wouldn't give to be playing Clue with my sisters, or out shopping with Jenn.

For an anglophile such as myself, living in England is a bit like working in Disneyland. You think "Oh boy! I work at Disneyland! This great!" But after awhile you just want to punch Mickey in the neck. Because even though I'm in this amazing country, which I've dreamt of living in ever since my Pops and I watched The Young Ones when I was like 10, I still have all the problems of everyday life. Its not like I walk out the door and think "I can't believe I'm here!", at least not any more. I walk out the door and think "Fantastic, the dog just took a crap on the side walk and I don't have a baggie, and oh look I just missed my bus." I tend to forget about the fact that I'm living in Europe and that's pretty freakin' cool. But life goes on no matter where you are. You own your problems even in Europe.

I miss everyone so much. I love being here, but I have so much heavy shit I have to deal with, which I won't go into cause you never know who's reading...

So to make me feel better I'm going to post pictures of my stubborn ass dog. Who, by the way is teething. WTF? How did I go my whole life not knowing that dogs lose their baby (puppy?) teeth? I keep looking for them in the carpet, but so far I can't find even one. Where are they? And since she's lost her two front bottom teeth, her tongue hangs out all the time. It's crazy cute. Check out the middle picture, and if that ain't the cutest thing you've ever seen then you have no soul.





Oh Bee-Bee! I swear she keeps me from going crackers. If I didn't have her I would feel a thousand times more lonely. She gets me out of the house and makes me laugh everyday. She wants nothing more than to sit in my lap and chew on my hoodie.

I know things will get better and I'll look back and think about what a sad sack of shit I was being, but until then I will blog my blues away.

Here's some random shots from random English towns we have visited. This is Stratford-Upon-Avon. Home of William Shakespeare and one of my all time favorite place to visit by train:

Bean has what we refer to as a "hair willy", which you will notice is quite prominent in this photo

Beanie's first boat ride, you can tell how excited she is


Beanie's first train ride, she looks like she might wee herself


I just love mega old English churches! The smell is incredible!



Apparently the cushions are for kneeling. I thought they would be for sitting on to save your ass from those wooden seats.





This is the roller coaster we went on at Drayton Manor theme park. We were there for Maria's birthday.


This is how we felt afterwards

No matter which theme park or fair ground you go to, they always have one of these boat rides.


The nauseated couple

Maria and I got soaked on this one! But I just love a good water ride

This one was called The Apocalypse. If you look close you see a few feets danglin'. It's one of those rides where they take straight up, like 20 stories and then drop you. It took me about 3 hours to convince Maria to go on it. But after she did, we went on it 4 times. I couldn't keep my eyes open until the fourth time. It was intense.

Ya know what? I'm feeling so much better! I posted those photos and it really put things in perspective for me. I blogged my way to happiness!

I truly rock.

Why, you may ask. For the simple fact that I got into school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited about the whole thing my head feels like it may explode. I can't tell you how long I've fantasised about going to a real university (sorry P.C.C.) to study photography. No, wait. I can. Since I was 17. I never really thought it would happen, there just aren't that many places in Oregon you can get a degree in photography. I must admit, it does take the sting out of moving so far away.

But there's a catch. There is absolutely no way in hell I can pay for it. I mean not a chance, no way, no how. In order to hold my place they need £1,000 in the next 14 days. Which we don't have. We could borrow it, but then what do we do when December rolls around and they want the rest of their £9,00o?

I've been looking into funding but, of course, there's a catch there too. As an international student you have to apply for funding from your home country and at least one year in advance of your start date. Shit! I can feel the dream slipping away. So I went to the school yesterday and talked with many folks about my situation. I can get on their "Fund Finder" computer and look to see if any money is left anywhere for people like me. But a lot of the money out there for 2008 has been scooped up already, as I have left it a bit late.

So now what do I do? You can defer your position for a year, but that won't really help me. I could get a loan from the bank but would only end up spending more money, and I'm already uncomfortable dealing with the amount of money I would be spending. If you add everything up (materials, equipment, etc.) It would be closer to £10,000 (or $20,000) and that's a down payment on a house, every year! I can't tax us financially to that degree. We both have other things we want to accomplish. Paul wants to start a business, we want to buy a house, have a kid or two. I'm the poster child for going to college when your young!

But all hope is not lost. I always have the option of waiting for 3 years and then I would qualify for home fees. Not only would I be spending a mere £3,000 a year on college, I would also qualify for all the amazing grants, scholarships, charitable trusts and "Aw hell, just take the money!" that they have here in the UK. I would also have plenty of time to save up money, look into funding and totally prepare myself and Paul for me to go back to school. I just hope they like me in three years as much as they like me now and let me in again!

If I'm being honest, I am gutted. I'm crushed that I can't start in September. But I am so very proud of myself for getting in. That's the prevailing feeling. I'm lucky to have so many friends and family that supported me through this process. Let's do it all again in a few years!

In the meantime I will deliver some photographic essays about life in England, just to keep my skills sharp.

As most of you know, Paul does 90% of the cooking in our house and I do most of the cleaning. But I've been looking for excuses to get that man in the bathroom to clean up his own bad aim. So with no job and tons of free time, I've been trying to teach myself how to cook. One of my first projects was onion soup. The recipe looked dead easy and I was excited to get started.

Any cook will tell you that preparation is key

Step one: Cut up all the onions you have in the house. I used one red onion, one small yellow onion, one massive yellow onion and one spring onion.



Step two: add one washed and chopped leek

Step three: in a thick bottomed pan add butter, olive oil, sage and garlic. Then add your onions and leeks. And cook the shit outta them, for like an hour. After that add your chicken stock (which I must point out was home made by Mr. Paul himself)


Step four: with a crusty baguette and some sharp cheddar make a few pieces of cheesy toast.

We sat down with our big bowls of onion soup and I was so excited! And then I took a bite and remembered...I hate onions. But if you like onions, here's the real recipe.

My Latest Progress Report

I've got loads of boring school talk ahead, so you can skip to pictures of a puppy and what's tickling my pickle if you want. I won't mind.

I've gotten so much done, I must say I'm quite proud of myself! I completed my UCAS (Universities and Colleges Admissions Service) application. I wrote my personal statement, which is basically why you want to do what you want to do. My good friend Kori wrote me a glowing reference. Leggo and I have been emailing back and forth. I sent him some scans of my black and white photos from my portfolio and some of my digital photos. He liked my work and said that if my application landed on his desk he would certainly consider it. He doesn't actually teach the course I was interested in, he teaches a Media & Communication course at the same university but at a different campus. He thought his course might suit my needs and asked if I wanted to apply. So I checked it out and it looks even better than the one I was going for. It includes more chemical photography and portraiture, which is right up my alley.

Leggo put me in touch with the admissions officer for BIAD. I called her yesterday and got some good news and some bad. What do you want first? I always like the bad news first so I can end on a good note. The bad news is since I've only just moved to the UK I might be considered an international student. That's pretty much the worst thing that could happen for two reasons. Mostly because the fees go from £3,000 a year to almost £9,000. That's a lot of money, that's like $18,000 a year. I might as well go to school in the states for that! And secondly there is little funding for international students. I would have to look for funding from America and that's harder to do from here. But the good news is I'm not too late to apply. In fact it's a good time since I've missed the initial rush, my application won't be in a big pile of other, lesser applications.

So my next step is to gather all the evidence I can to prove that I'm settled here and not just talking with this British twang so I can get cheap schooling. But at the end of the day (side note: I swear to god, the older you get the more crap clichés you come out with. Like "I'm busier than a ten peckered dog in a hydrant factory" or "same shit, different day". I think I'm turning into my dad) it depends on the rules. If anyone out there knows anything about college funding, share your wealth of knowledge with me, please!

Then as soon as I get my confirmation number from UCAS I'll know that my application is on it's way to Leggo and then he will make me an official offer, fingers crossed. I still have to get my college transcripts sent here and she told my to get my high school ones as well. WTF?? That was nearly 15 years ago!! They don't know exactly what high school is here, I think. But I'll still try.

I've been told that as a mature student I should have no problem getting a place in the program, and that I should be most concerned about funding. But I'm a "don't put the cart before the horse" sort of gal (there I go again) and can only put all my good worrying skills to one matter at a time. So I'm focused on getting in right now and then I'll fret over how I'm gonna pay for it all. Paul and I talked about the very real possibility that my schooling is going to cost an arm and a leg (okay, I'll stop). He was supportive and just wants me to exhaust every possibility for funding before we go into panic mode, but that no matter what it costs us, we can do it. Awww...ain't that sweet? So I'm starting to look on line and getting a rough idea of what's out there.

Everything else is going really good. We still have no car but Paul's boss Ewan let's us borrow his a lot, which really helps. Bean is well but has to go to the vet on Monday for some Frontline and to have her itchy ear checked out. The weather has improved a bit. It's your typical spring time stuff, sunny one minute and hailing the next. We've planted some potatoes, garlic, wild flowers and strawberries in the backyard. The neighbourhood cats have planted some poop trees and Bean has been kind enough to harvest them.

Bean's looking very Yorkieish these days

She enjoys a good trash mag every now and again


Here are a few examples of the photos I put in my portfolio. Please overlook the shitty black & white scan job. I'm open to any comments...as long as they're good :)

What Tickles My Pickle about England is L plates! You put these on the front and back of your car if you're just learning how to drive. L stands for learner. It's the equivalent of having a huge bumper sticker that reads "I'm Still Learning, So Back Off, Jack Off!" As a new driver myself I think these are the greatest idea and wish they were used in the states. Even after you pass your drivers test you have to have P plates put on your car for awhile, so people know that you just passed. The only experience I had with L plates was on my "Hen Night", or bachelorette party, when it's tradition to make the bride wear a big paper L on her shirt, but it really complimented my penis earrings.

Personal Note To Sam: Hi Sammy!!! So happy to see you on my blog!! Thanks for the comment, would you believe I'm still using that same ol' SLR? My plan is to take incriminating photos of someone for blackmail money and upgrade. I miss all my bugs so much, but I really miss Dave the super millipede.

College: Stage One-Complete

I don't want to get too excited (in case I don't get in) but I found the perfect place to study photography! It's the Birmingham Institute of Art & Design, or BIAD for short, check that link. It's a part of the Birmingham City University, they call any university "Uni" over here. I went there for an open day today. I took a tour of the campus and then had a short presentation about the school and department. I was with a group of very young, pimply faced art students feeling quite old and out of place. It's a very well known school that has cutting edge technology and it's just downtown, practically right across the street from where I was meant to be working. I got a good feeling from the place.

So the next step is to fill in the application, which won't be easy since the school system here is completely different from in the states. Then try to get an interview. Then sort out my funding. But I have two important people on my side. My friend Ang works in college administration helping students find funding and grants. I will be meeting with her next week to get some help with all that. Also Paul has a friend named Leggo and he's (get this!) the main photography lecturer at BIAD. How great is that?!? I haven't actually met him, but hope to very soon so I can get some advice on my portfolio. And perhaps even a recommendation. Which would practically put my name on a seat and order my lunch for me.

In some ways I hate to even write stuff like this down because I'm a big believer in jinxes, but I'm so excited I just had to share. Who knows where I'll end up, but as my Mom always says "Everything happens for a reason". I hope this will work out and unfortunately it's not one of those things you can just leave to fate, I will have to work my bollocks off to make this a reality. But at this point there's nothing holding me back from doing everything I have to do. It ain't like I got a job or anything.

Speaking of the job, the pain is wearing off more each day. I think it was so upsetting because I hate to let people down. It's just not my style. I have limited time to get all my paperwork in and meet with the appropriate people, so not having to go to work each day makes that much easier. And of course a big shout out to my fantastic husband who is behind me 100% and doesn't mind eating Top Ramon for the next few years.

In other news....

Bean is doing really good. She's learned to walk up the stairs but can not physically get back down them, which has lead to multiple "accidents" in our bedroom. She's getting used to her red sweater, walking in the park and being bullied by all the other, bigger dogs. I've had a few questions regarding the Beanster. First off she's a GIRL, which will warrant the bows I'll be putting in her hair in a few more months. She's a Yorkshire Terrier with a bit of Jack Russell throw in for good measure. She turned three months old April 4th, which makes her birthday January 4th, the day before mine. Cute, innit?

Paul is rocking steady. The powers that be are working on getting him a full time position with CMI. It's by no means in the bag yet but it would mean more money, a company car (aww yeah!) and steady work. Again, I go back to the jinxing thing, so act like I didn't even bring it up. But one good thing that has already happened is they helped pay for a new laptop! I think we'll still repair our old one, that "someone" stepped on, and it will be mine for school. Ya know, I think my Mom was right.

The weather here has been crazy! It snowed a few days ago. And not like a little snow either, a lot! Of course it was all melted by dusk. Bean was a bit freaked at first but after awhile she was diggin' it with two shovels!

Thankfully, the largest underwear in the world was saved from the snow storm

Our backyard was not

Moms love this sort of thing

The great Gaddesby Road

"Don't you eat that yellow snow"

Oh Bean, why you so cute?